My daughters favorite nursery rhyme is stuck in my head. I’m softly humming the tune. I forgot one of the lines, but I remember the tune. I’m packing my evening dresses in my suitcase. When traveling to gigs I always carry my new dresses in a suit bag, but when I go home, I roll them up and pack them next to my shoes and underwear in my suitcase. The gig is done. Finished. Successful.
18.104.22.168 hours until I board my flight to CT. HOME. I am filled with emotion. I can not wait to be with my family. I hate saying it; but I am a working mom. I love working. I love my children. I am a working mom. 2 flights took me away from home this week for work. Thats a lot. a Lot of flying and a lot of time away from my babies. I have 2.
I’m home. It’s morning. Everything is ready. Lunch-boxes, clean linen, clean nappy changing area, toys are sorted, and the toast is made. To do lists for school and medicine is packed. “ Good mom “, I tell myself. I’m leaving home for a week to work on the most amazing projects. Bad mom?, I think …you should have stayed at home with the kids.
My mind wonders to when I was a child and I wanted mommy and daddy to stay home. “ Don’t go to work”, I would say. They made it clear; if they don’t t go to work, We can’t have a family car… I can’t have clothes, and we won’t have food. They would leave for work. Jobs that they worked hard for and were good at. They inspire me.
The house wakes up. Monday feels like Sunday feels like Tuesday. They all start the same. I love how they start. I meet my toddler in the corridor and present her her options like a flight attendant, “ tea or milk?” …She asks for “ bed” instead. That means we get back into bed to cuddle for a few minutes. The kettle is warm. I am a good mom. After dropping her off at play-school today, I will leave for the airport. I leave for work. I love my work. Should I stay at home with the kids?
I make another list. One for the au pair. “ Please wash your hands when you arrive. Thanks for everything, love Elana “. My toddlers swimming bag is packed for Tuesday, I change the nappy bin liners and move the frozen breastmilk to the front of the freezer so that it’s visible. 2 babies. a Toddler and a baby. They are so small. I write in the communal house diary … “ Garden service arrives on Wednesday and a delivery will come for me Thursday afternoon. I’ve made a drs appointment on Wednesday in case one of the babies are sick. 10:40 am”. I take a deep breath. I am a good mom.
“You are a super Mom” reads a Facebook comment. That’s who I am? I am super busy and super guilty. “How do you do what you do” asks my Client…. I don’t know.
Please be proud of Mommy, I am working on TV this week. Mommy is on a flight. I will be home soon, to give you “tea”, “milk” and “bed”